taccat

so yesterday i celebrated with my family my grandfathers birhthday hes 79 and has gone through 4 major open heart surgeries and every time i see him the one thing i remember is the doctor asking him "what do you want to accomplish from the open heart surgery"
he responded " i want to see my eldest grandchild walk down the isle"
idk i guess its sweet and very nice that he thinks that way

however...one thing that does scare me is how my aunt is doing
she is anorexic and i saw her yesterday for the first time in 3 months she got skinner and shes repeting her self more often the usuall

basicially im scared if she doesnt chekc herself into somewhere soon she could die

my dad basicially told me the cancer that she has wont kill her but the anoriexa will

shes my best friend i dont want her to go that way...

so city of it over and this one is for britt kramer
...
city of city of city of
woderful courious things:-D

after city of we had something called judaication which was pretty freaking cool becuase i got to go and represent sarah nelson (scenic designer)

however sometimes i get the feeling that even though i work so fucking hard everyone seems to find the bad in me like if i screw up on something its the thing they will remeber why? what ever happened to remering the good things that people do as well? then people ask me why do u feel this way...its becuase no matter what i do i get judged for everything! so when iscrew up i feel like a screw up...

whatever
time to drink


later days

talking to some people i have come to a conclusion that doesnt look like will be changing anytime soon...


here it is...


i want to be alone
it seems that i would like a boy firend
but after talking to some people im now telling myself that i shouldnt have one even though i would like someone to cuddle with and have to talk with and shit like that ='( so now its 2:05 in the morning and im crying my eyes out.


im a mess...


(ps. im mad overtired right now)

oki so i got home from work last night at 10:30...mind you that i was supposed to get out at 9:30...whatever

so i go downstairs and turn on the televison and start watching house and this is what i saw...
an old g5 with the camera and intel chip (mac comp)
an iphone
macbook pro
macbook white one with the hard shell case on it
i think that was it

it was like watching an apple commicerial...i think the prop guy loves macs ha ha ha!!!

WOOO PASSED MY ROAD TEST SO EXCITED TO GET MY CARRRR!!!:-D

YEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"60 things girls need to realize about guys...

1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!
(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than ALOT OF GUYS..you're a HOE) (Also this one, i'll change if people want me to, people have different life styles)

2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3... Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

NEW*5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile when there attracted to them

6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

23. Guys will brag about anything.

24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's
too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

37. Guys don't really have final decisions.

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

50. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.

52. We don't like girls who are too skinny.

53. We love it when girls talk about there ass.

54. Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....

55. Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours...

56. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually.

57. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..

58. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...

59. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.

60. When a guy sacerfices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible."

okay so new update

boys suck!
no joke
"hey we cant be together anymore becuase i still have feelins for my ex but wait for me and we will get back together" (even though he lied to me and was going out with his ex and still told me to wait wtf is up wtih that!

boys suck boys suck boys suck and then he tells me i being parnoid wtf! of cource i am he told me to wait and thats what i was doing!!!


anybody wanna come over for a certain boys suck party lol

With just 9 weeks away im getting ready for college! and what better way of getting ready then getitng a scholarship for technicial theater in the mail that i never signed up for....
it seems that adelphi college signed me up for a talent scholarship!!!
BOOYA I GOT IT!!!!!

hmmm in other news worried about my friend keaton hes not doing so well since the car accident.

nothing else besides that im so excited for college and im still gonna be upset when i have to leave SHS with my firends that ive known which seems like forever but ill still keep in contact with them duh!!!!

so i went over to keatons last night and on my way my friend evan was driving and we wre turning a corner in oyster bay called sandy hill corner and we hit a patch of sand and slid into a tree. im sore this morning but im fine
but i am sad to say the car is not

ive come to the conclusion that technicial theater is the way i want to major in
and then art(sculpting) is what i want to minor in

there is only one problem with both of thoes things

i have no clue how to start and do stuff with it
like i cant sclupt with no problem
and i can tech a show with my eyes closed but how do i get on with in college like im so lost right now eveyone else is having interviews for this and that and im like what do i do

all i have interviews for is the learning dissabled program, not even for a major or a minor

i feel so lost and conffused
mby this is an emo rant but i dont think it is
im just very lost at the moment and im kind of conffused on how to push my self to do any of this or to succeed in life with this
and also i realized that the colleges i chose SUCK! lol excpet for c.w post which has a very good art program but other than that iim sooooo lost! ahhhhh !


help??? lol jk nobody has to help me i just needed 2 get this off my chest

for 2007 im going to try and be and do eveythign that im not

if that makes any sense to anybody
but idc becuase it makes sense to me!

ok i was watching scrubs and JD said something smart not that he isnt smart but anywho this is what he said 

"Because nothing sucks more than feeling more alone,
No matter how many people are around"
-scrubs 

idk i feel like recentally this is how ive been feeling with certain people who shall not be named. i feel like even though i have alot of friends im feeling liek these certain people kind of hate me or dislike me in some fashion and i have no idea what i did wrong!  

im totally out of ideas with people! im out of idea and i hate myself for it! and im really starting to hate myself more than i allready do! :'(

blah 
 idk 
mby im just being stupid 

btw i figured something out 
when i was little my mom was holding me and she was rushing into k-mart in florida and she bumped my head on a i beam (if u dont know what an i beam is it is a big metal thing thats all lu need to know) 
but anywho that explains so much about myself lol :-p 

later days taccat 

anybody up for shoping this vacation! im actually gonna spend money onmyslef i need new clothes, something new, a new look bascially lol :-p

Ok so friday the  15 of decemeber was an amazing day! HOLY COW! Eveyone and i mean everyone has to go and see the NEW broadway show Spring Awakening! ITS AMAZING some of it was sad but holy cow it was the best time i have had this year so far. SO i went in the city to see it with a bunch of my ACT buddies aka tas, inkles, amanda, emily, mel, andrew, mogil, ally, kyrisin, raffi, shanna, tracey, jarad rosenberg, erin , zach and didum just to name a few becuase there were 21 one of us! ok so we ate with some girl named REmmy who is actually in the show! then we went to the theater and the stage was amazing not that much sceneary but it was still an amazing show! 

THen this guy came up to tracey and i and asked us who were were and stuff like that becuase we got INTERVIEWED by a b loomberg news reporter! ok so the first act was over BTW AGAIN AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i started to walk around and shit and the guy kept asking me questions becuase we were a theater group and i am a techie :-D second act began and then it was over WE GAVE THEM A STANDING OVATION 3 times!!!! ok so after the show alex mogil said that we could all go behind stage but it would have to be in groups of five ! 

unfotunally at the time we did not know that only 5 would actually be allowed and no more after that....but guess who was one of thoes lucky 5 

ME! 
omg behind the stage was amazing all the lycos and fernells and the gobos and the smart lights AHHHH! i was in heaven!!! :-D 
i even got to see where the SM sits ahhhhh SO fucking coool

ok so i went back outside and lead character was there and i got his autograph and then i bought my self the cd! VERY GOOD MUSIC BTW! 
then the reporter came back and started 2 ask me questions about the theater program at syosset high school and then raffi came up behind me and told him that i was the SM for the upcomming musicial SWEET charity! i got embarrased i dont know why but i did!!! 

 so in conclusion MY DREAM FINDALLY OR ONE OF MY DREAMS FINALLY CAME TRUE THAT I GOT TO GO BEHIND STAGE OF A BROADWAY MUSICAL!!!!! AHHHH STILL CANT GET OVER IT!!!! :-D

ill update more later im in school:-D

REHERSAL STARTS TOMMORW FOR SWEET CHARITY!!! CAST LIST GOES UP 2nd period! and CREW LIST I GET TO PUT UP ON FRIDAY!!! IM SOOOO EXCITED IF U COULDNT NOTICE!!!!

ok so the show is comming up soon or at least the rehersals are and do far there has been drama wooot...not fun at all i must say! 

ill get into it more later 
i have a headake again 
gonna get myhead checked out finally 


oh yah this isnt to anybody who has a livejournal but if your about to talk about someone behind their backs make sure that they rnt there...just a little bit of advice to all of ya. becuase being taked about behind your back and then walking up to that person and saying hi and they all go quiet and then me asking u want me to leave and they say yes makes me feel like shit! if you gonna stop when a person walks up at least change the conversatoin to one that they can be a part of so i t looks like u were originially talking about that at the start! 

ok my rant is over 
going to sleep for a bit 
later days 
taccat

ok so today i had one of the best days of my life!

this morning i woke up early...which was horrible but then i went to drivers ed and we were watchign this tape about intersections which was borning but they were siniging about it...and it was cheezy. so then this girl on the video was singing about time and how much time they need to turn or something and she was sining to a clock so the most ghetto kid in my class screamed out FLAVOR FLAVE!!! the whole class cracked up!!!!

so then i found rich 2nd period and tested out the butterflys...they look fucking amazing all my hard work paieed off!!! connor even likes them !!!! FUCKING BUTTERFLYSSSS!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOT!

then after shcool was the best katie and i were getting the tree from the little theater and we then put it in the bins. so after that i suggested that we should open the bin to grease lightning and shes like well it goign to smell and its going to be probly broken.
i said no its not
so we went off and walah it opened!! it is still in one peice and nothing chiped off or anyting it makes me happy!!!! :-D
can u say hippy car:-D
toonight going to my last one acts :( but it should be f un so yey:-) later days

ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT I SHOULD BE FOR HALLOWEEN????

BECUASE LITTLE RED RIDING HODD IS OUT OF THE QUESTION CANT FIND THE OUTFIT! ANY SUGGESTIONS

HELLLLLLP!

ok so my week this week is so crazyyy not to mention i still have an essay to write for college and also...

ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT I SHOULD BE FOR HALLOWEEN?

thinking about using what i wore to the permire of pirates of the carribian but idk what i should be

having artist block anyone wanna give me an idea to do
i have a peice of plexiglass that is 11 X 18 what should i do with it

any other suggestoins for types of art im up to anything right now

school started out pretty bad but now its awsome
just found out that im stage manager for the musicial sweet chairty ! WOOOT SO HAPPY ok now beddie bye time
g'night ill updat 2morrow